Even this thing is hurt. It's okay :)

Assalamualaikum dan hello :)

I'm a girl, who have feelings. I am insecure ,I am hard to be satisfied, I am hard to like a person, I am hard to be friendly, I am a hard person to have a conversation with, I don't do explanation and also I am hard to forgive. My life, my rules. This is how I role. Yes, that's my ego. But this is how I role my life. I can be kind to people who treat me well, I can laugh with the one who makes me happy, I can be nice as you guys want as long as you guys know how I role my life. Once I start to make my fake smile and fake laugh. You will see how I am not satisfied with you. I can be a fire that can burn you slowly. I can be the Ice that can make you cool. Kadang-kadang benda kecik boleh jadi besar. Benda besar terus diamkan. I wish to be heartless which I am sometimes. I don't want to feel pain or happy. I just want to be empty. I want to be alone, which no ones will hurt me. But I do need someone, be here for me and that person won't ever hurt me. Love is like we cycling a bicycle, we will fall and we will be hurt. Yes life is full of difficulties and full of fun. We can't get everything that we want. Now I am confuse with what I feel. Yes, I AM NOT SATISFIED. Let me keep it as my privacy, so don't ask me why. I smile to make you don't feel bad about the things that you've done. I don't like to share how pain I feel to other people. To the "girl" I think you know who you are. Well, I just want to tell you yes i am not satisfied. It kills me inside. But I want you to know, it's okay and it's alright. Cause this is what we call as life. I am trying to deal with it and over it. Maybe the smile and my "tak apa" was a lie. But our conversation that day, I don't share with my friendsss. As I don't want them to hate you either to treat you badly. I'll act like I'm okay. To make you feel better and to make myself  feel better. I'll act like everything is okay. 

Salam .